Leaving, Learning, & Living

Religious or spiritual communities can offer comfort, connection, and meaning — but in high-control or high-demand groups, they can also cause deep harm.

You might not use the term religious trauma. You may simply know that something about your spiritual experience has left a lasting impact on how you feel, think, and relate to others.

If you’ve lived in one of these environments, you may know the disorientation of feeling out of step with the people and world around you.

Patterns That Can Develop

Over the years, I’ve worked with many people raised in hyper-religious households — especially within fundamentalist or orthodox traditions — who come to therapy with patterns like:

• Anxiety and hyper-vigilance

• OCD-like symptoms or rigid thinking

• Escapism or idealism that feels disconnected from daily life

• Harsh, self-critical inner voices

These patterns often trace back to early conditioning that taught them to erase their own needs, voice, or identity in service of a perceived divine standard, the unity of the group, or a spiritual goal of “at-one-ment.” In many of these traditions, individuality was seen as a flaw to overcome — and any emotion that asserted a boundary of self or ego was viewed as separating the person from divine nature.

In reality, the presence of self is what allows for a healthy and authentic relationship with divinity, or with anyone. When the self is absent, there is no one fully present to attach to or connect with — an attachment rupture that can continue long after leaving the group.

Ways Religious Trauma Might Affect You

Religious trauma can affect both daily functioning and your sense of self. You might be experiencing:

• Confusion about boundaries or difficulty saying no

• Feeling uneasy in relationships or group settings

• Constantly seeking validation from others

• Difficulty making decisions without external approval

• Grief, guilt, or fear related to leaving the group

• Loss of confidence or trust in your own judgment

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone — and it is possible to heal.

What Leaving a High-Control Group Can Feel Like

Leaving a spiritual community — or even beginning to question it — can be a complex and painful process.

You may lose once-cherished relationships, a shared sense of purpose, and a belief system that once offered security. These losses can leave you feeling untethered, uncertain, or even unsafe in your own mind.

When past spiritual experiences have been painful or controlling, healing can mean creating a practice that feels more balanced — or simply finding peace without spirituality at all.

Exploring Spirituality on Your Own Terms

Many of my clients still want a spiritual life — they miss the sense of connection, meaning, and grounding it can bring. The challenge is learning how to approach spirituality in a way that feels safe, empowering, and free from coercion.

In therapy, we can explore what spirituality means for you now and how to engage with it in ways that honor your values and autonomy. For some, that means reconnecting with aspects of their original tradition that still feel nourishing. For others, it means exploring spiritual practices that feel supportive, open, and aligned with their current life.

There’s no single ‘right’ way to approach spirituality after religious trauma. Some people feel drawn to create a practice that feels safer and more aligned, while others just want to find peace without bringing spirituality back into their lives — both paths are valid.

How Therapy Can Support Your Healing

Recovery from religious or spiritual trauma is not about replacing one belief system with another. It’s about creating space to think, feel, and decide for yourself — without fear or pressure.

In our work together, we can:

• Make sense of your experiences and their impact

• Rebuild trust in your own judgment

• Strengthen your ability to set and keep boundaries

• Explore what healing, growth, and spiritual integrity can look like for you now

• Create meaningful, safe connections with others

I bring both professional training and personal insight into this work, drawing on trauma-informed approaches like Internal Family Systems (IFS), EMDR, mindfulness-based strategies, and somatic techniques. These methods help address both the emotional and nervous system effects of religious trauma.

Why Specialized Support Matters

Awareness of religious trauma is growing, but many therapists are not familiar with its unique dynamics. My experience in this area means I understand the intersection of trauma, identity, and belief systems — and I can help you navigate recovery with compassion, clarity, and respect for your pace.

Whether your goal is to feel more grounded, rebuild relationships, or create a spiritual life that truly feels like yours, you don’t have to face this alone.

Not Sure Where to Start?

You don’t have to figure it all out before reaching out.
If you’re going through a major change, carrying old wounds, or feeling unsteady in yourself, we can talk about what’s going on and which approach might be the best fit for you.